My Personal Regret

Disclaimer: This post is not meant to vilify any party, Petronas included. This is based on my own personal experience. I still have Petronas to thank for whatever contributions they have made for me, especially for the past five years.


I would be lying if I told any of you that I didn’t have any regrets about the very decision that I made five years ago. It was the end of 2006. I was in the fifth form, scoring good grades and all. I was excited; with good grades came good scholarship offers et cetera. I applied for a Petronas scholarship and went to the interview. It was called ‘Educamp’, and I had mine at MRSM Kuching. It was fun; we were exposed to Petronas as a corporation, and we were told of the good prospect that we would get once we received a Petronas scholarship. Basically it registered with me that I would be treated very well if I got to be one of their sponsored students. I did my best in the interview, and I think I aced it. I remember that I had to present about the traffic woes in KL and I came up with some ways to tackle the issue. My experience in high school debate helped me a great deal, and I ended up passing the interview.

When I received the offer, I was ecstatic. I thought that that very letter was the very ‘grant’ of my dream. To be honest, studying overseas was, then, my ultimate goal for the next 5 years of my life; I really couldn’t imagine myself studying at one of the local higher education institutions. Not that I doubted the academic standard of those institutions, it’s just that I preferred studying at a place where I would be able to broaden my worldview and be moulded into a person that I wanted to be; free. Even back then I was comparatively a very liberal thinker living in a society marked with a growing sense of social conservatism. Maybe I will write more about this later.

The offer letter did come with a thick booklet containing many clauses placed in lengthy paragraphs, explaining the terms and conditions attached to my scholarship. I did not really bother to read them all, to me, it was exciting enough that I would get to do Geology (my first choice) at a university of my choice.

I accepted the offer. Little did I care about one of the obligations attached to the scholarship, that I would be required to serve Petronas two years for each year that they sponsored my education. I knew about that, I just didn’t care. After all, the idea of getting a job straight after graduation appealed to me back then.

I was to be placed at Sri KDU to do IB; in fact, I spent two great years there. The IB experience was fulfilling, and I enjoyed it thoroughly, so I’ve no complaints there. My dissatisfaction with Petronas, however, started there, as I, and my other scholarship-holding classmates (we, Petronas scholars, made up roughly half of the total intake for the 2007 IB batch) were told during one of the Petronas engagement sessions in 2008 that they would send us to any one of these three Southern hemisphere countries for our degree; Australia, NZ or South Africa. This put me to shock. I can still recall perfectly today that we were informed by one of the Petronas education officers during our first-year induction session back in early 2007 that we would be sent to the US, UK or Canada for our first degree. I also accepted the scholarship with the knowledge that it would pay for my studies in the States. I always wanted to study in the US; that was indeed one of my dreams growing up. I felt cheated, and of course, furious at their inability to stick to their words.

Whatever happened after that aren’t worth much mention here. Well, maybe I should say that I did okay in IB and went to Melbourne for my degree. I enjoyed the years there profusely, so whatever of my personal dissatisfaction that was documented on the previous paragraph I already moved on from by the end of 2009. Sometimes I thought that it was a blessing in disguise that I didn’t have to endure the long and bitter cold prevalent in the States or the UK. Melbourne was also a relatively short hop’s away from home (8 hours’ flight) so I flew back to Malaysia most of the long holidays. Life was pretty good there, and Petronas, albeit the struggle that we had trying to get them to increase our monthly allowance, treated us well. I lived in a very decent studio apartment, for example. Never did I have to cram in a house with, say, five housemates, which was, and still is, the reality for many other international students who have to grapple with the ever-increasing rent in Melbourne. For this, I thank Petronas.

The nasty part started last year, with my honors application. I was informed by many, including Petronas’ officers themselves, that we would be allowed to extend our period of study for one year to accommodate our honors studies. It is a common practice for the Australian universities to split their degree into three years of basic degree and a year of honors. A degree with honors is considered more superior than a degree without which, but not every student is entitled to do the former. Most universities, Melbourne included, put a set of stringent requirements for students who wish to further their studies to honors. I managed to get a spot, and it gladdened me that Petronas would, by principle, sponsor me for another year to let me finish my honors. JPA and MARA were (and still are) known to do this to their students, so it made sense that Petronas would do the same.

Knowing that there would be no more obstacles in my honors plan, I started putting a great deal of efforts to find a supervisor and a suitable project for my honors year. I managed to find a project very relevant to my future job in Petronas, and my lecturer also wrote a letter to Petronas to inform them of the benefits that they, as my future employer, would get if I were to do the particular honors project under his supervision. As usual, I received some oral confirmation that I would get my sponsorship extended, and duped by my optimism of Petronas being at last true to their words, I was confident that things would turn out the way I wanted them to.

I graduated last December. For this, I have my family, friends, lecturers, teachers, and of course, Petronas, to thank. It was a proud moment for my whole family, and I felt a sense of accomplishment. I still felt very upbeat in December because in my head, I had an honors year to look forward to in 2012. I told myself that the graduation wasn’t the end of my university life; I would have another year to go.

When my optimism was at its peak, I got an email from Petronas informing me that they rejected my application to do honors. To make it sound more dramatic, they snubbed my application two days prior to the honors enrolment due date. Two days. Just imagine the frustration that I had at that time. I had to pack up and leave Melbourne for good on a short notice. Whatever efforts that I put to secure a place to do honors turned out to be futile. In vain.

I wanted to apply for another scholarship, but the very offer letter that I received back in 2007 stipulated that I would not be allowed to get another scholarship without Petronas’ permission. I wanted to report to Petronas (ie start working for them) in 2013, not 2012, so I could have a year allocated to honors. Again, this was against one of the terms of the scholarship as I was required to report to them within 3 months after my graduation (read: February).

These are the terms that I didn’t think about five years back. These are the important terms that came to haunt me in January 2012 yet I couldn’t even be arsed to read about them back then. Failing to adhere to the terms will lead to my parents having to pay Petronas the total sum spent on my education, within 14 working days. There’s no way I will ever burden my parents that way. Petronas knows this. They know that we will not have the guts (or rather, capacity) to breach the contract.

We are bonded. Or, in a more apt yet less savory way to say things, we are chained. We are their assets, their commodities. To try to get out of this is to breach the contract, the consequences of which are as aforementioned.

Now I’m at home, waiting for Petronas to call me up to put me to work. I was told that it would take them up to six months to come up with a job offer for me. In the meantime, I am not allowed to apply for another permanent job. Breach of contract, again. After all, no company will want to recruit a bonded student. The irony of all these is that I could actually use the time spent waiting for Petronas so far to do honors.

We’re theirs for 10 years. Leave the company by then and you’ll be considered to have breached the contract. Consequences as said prior. I’m 22, and I really wish that I could actually be free to chart my own future. I’m honestly not over studying yet. I’m personally very envious at the freedom that my JPA and MARA friends have after they graduate. I also want to do masters, just like them; I’m a passionate learner, and masters is one of my goals for now. I will keenly work after masters, especially since I know I’ll enjoy working as a professional geologist in the future, be it with Petronas, or any other companies. However, looking at the way it is, it’s clear that for the next 10 years of my life, chances are that I will not have much control with my life. I will work for the same company with no option to quit.

My future was already written back then, when I naively accepted an offer that came in the form of a fancy official letter with a small F1 icon on the bottom left. “Cool”, I thought at that. Maybe I have myself to blame, it was after all, my choice. But what do you expect of a 17-year-old teenage boy? How do you think that I, with my lack of experience in life and my naivety in thinking that any corporation kind enough to offer a scholarship would have nothing but good, philanthropic intentions, would foresee the high price I had to pay to get my tertiary education sponsored? I didn’t even know what I wanted to do in my life then. What’s the point of knowing it now when it’s already too late?

13 Replies to “My Personal Regret”

  1. Assalamualaikum wbt bro.

    1. Don’t blame yourself. It’s all written.

    2. U have made the effort . From your story , I’m pretty proud that you have that spirit to learn and learn and leard. It just that it does not turned out to be as how you want it to be. Everything must have a reason. Relax. Allah knows what the best for you. You just have to trust Him and be patient.

    3. Maybe , the fact that you are unemployed now make the stuff much depressing. Try to fill up your time with thing of your interest such as preparing a better proposal . Maybe instead of pursuing your study in Masters, you can go for a PhD.

    4. Another option you can consider is to check with your employer (Petronas) if there is such policy for you to apply for a study leave.Most of institution have such policies and support their employee. You may want to apply for this if it is available.

    With very best of luck.

    p/s : jangan biarkan diri anda di selubungi misteri.. Come on,bro!

  2. Salam, Ain.

    Thank you very much for your concern. Yes, I was unhappy, verging on depressed when I wrote the post, but having said that, I started to learn to at least view the glass half full. Guess what? Good things actually started rolling in after I did.

    I started working for PEMANDU last month and I just got an offer from Petronas a couple of days ago to start working at their E&P (Carigali) department next month. At least I know I won’t have to go through many more months of extended vacation (read: unemployment) from now on. I’ve also asked around for any opportunities Petronas has in place for its staff to further their studies, and yes, they do send their geologists and engineers to a good uni for a post-graduate education/training. Their decision on this matter is need-based, so it certainly give me a motivation to do well in the future.

    Thank you for your kind wishes. Stay blessed!


  3. Hello faizal.

    Im 18 and i found your blog when i started to search for Petronas Educamp Experience just so I could get ready for the camp which had passed a couple of weeks ago. Knowing that not only your blog written about regrets working in Petronas ( I understand now you already got the placement for job at the cari gali department) but also, my dad’s friend who was willingly resigned from Petronas since they asked him to change department from R&D to Management ( I dont know whether thats a better offer but yet the guy wished to do R&D still, he moved out from Petronas) Now he’s in UKM. Apart from that, my friend who happened to have a father working at Petronas always told me stories about how hard he has been working, hardly sleep and such (I dont know which department he’s joining though I understand this doesnt happen to all Petronas employees) .

    Gladly I receive the Petronas Scholarship offer yesterday, and at the same time I got Bank Negara Kijang Schlorship. Having said that I am quite influenced by your blog, I feel like choosing Kijang instead. Meanwhile, my family wants me to pursue in Petroleum Engineering in US, just like the offer I got yesterday. Ive been having thoughts of my worklife later for the next 5 or 10 years. To consider my interest, yes it is finance definitely. But my family believe that having a degree in engineering can bring to a wider field, including finance or business ( for my higher degree later on) . And of course, my sister who happened to graduate from Adelaide last 2 years explained to me how her friends graduating from a degree in this field get the chance to work for Schlumberger, and are able to buy a house in Kl ( not just one, but more). It’s very overwhelming to think back about the chance to work at big oil and gas company with high salary being paid, but Ive been thinking about the family life I myself about to have, since I am actually a girl.

    Considering working at Bank Negara, I would end up in one of its department, working at its HQ, possible 20 years later, ill get the chance to represent Bank Negara to overseas etc, I feel like its better for a girl like me, who will one day, have to take care of my kids and such.

    Since you already work for Petronas, and have a wider, better idea of graduates’ worklife, I humbly need your opinion on choosing which scholarship I should accept.

    Thank you Faizal, may Allah bless you.

  4. My daughter has been offer a scholarship to study geology in US from 2013 to 2018. She will study foundation course in Taylor’s College. What is the prospect of geologist in future?

  5. hi..i am currently studying in UTP.i was offered a scholarship from petronas too.i accepted it.however the payment has not started until this end of june 2013.the officer told us during the briefing that there is aprobability of not being offered any job by petronas in the 6 months period after i graduate at the end of 2017.if it happens so,i will have to pay back 20% of the amount spent by petronas.i am very confused right now due to this parents insisted for me to acceptthis offer as they are not really think this as a serious matter..i also got an offer from MARA to enroll German Malaysian Institute.should i continue with petronas? please give your opinion i dont have much time left before the payment is the way the scholarship is for the local programme in UTP.

  6. Hi Faizal,

    I am a student deciding on whether to accept a scholarship offer. Thanks to your post, I read the whole list of terms and conditions regarding my scholarship. I don’t have much time left to decide but at least now I know it is ok for someone to reject a scholarship if its terms are not very pleasant.

    My situation is that I will be liable to a high amount of penalty should I fail to graduate with a certain class of honours degree. I am confident of getting the honours class but the penalty is like a crazy bank loan. I don’t know if I should risk taking up this scholarship for the benefits or should I find another alternate way to get bank loans.

    But in any case, thanks for your honest post which has lead me to think thoroughly about my scholarship offer . 🙂

  7. As a geologist, what sort of work will you be doing? Would it be field work, etc.? I aspire to be one, so if you would give some guidelines, it would really mean a lot to me.

    Thank you.

  8. Hello,

    I just received Petronas Sponsorship 2014. the agreement says i will be bonded for 5 yrs n if they dont give me a job, i have to pay 20%. i’m sure you are currently working under petronas. How is the job prospects? many people said the benefits are not as good as it used to be. is it true. do you think i should choose this scholarship or other scholarship?
    i need your advice
    Thank you

  9. Assalamualaikum bro Faizal 🙂

    I am a 2013 spm leaver and I have just received Petronas’s offer for engineering in Oz. In the contract, it says that I have to pay back 20% of the sponsorship if I fail to secure a job with Pet after graduating. (approximately RM100000). Was your contract back then the same as mine or have Pet changed their policy? If the contract is still the same, then may I know whether all the Pet scholars of your batch managed to secure jobs with Pet? Did a lot of them have to pay back the sponsorship? Just curious. 🙂 Thank you!

    1. Reading your comment and also this blog make me become more curious, because i’m now on waiting period for placement from petronas. If you dont mind, can i personally asking you what actually happen to other scholars(your friends) . I can be reach at [email protected]

  10. Hmm orang yang tak reti bersyukur. Kalau nak sangat sambung belajar suruh lah your parents bayar. Mintak unpaid leave dengan Petronas. I’m sure they will understand. Bersyukurlah mak bapak kau tak payah keluarkan sesen waktu kau belajar dulu.

  11. My son is in UTP. Waiting for Pet scholarship. He join UTP in March. Any idea when they will have the selection. And please tell me what are the rules and terms (important one) and how long my son will be bond
    please? Thanks

  12. I had 14a1’s in spm and got nothing whatsoever. Not even jpa. Because I’m Chinese. Count yourself blessed in perspective

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